People who have never been in an exploitative or violent relationship often ask themselves, “Why don’t they just leave?”
This question is human nature—but it fails to recognize how complex the internal and external bonds are that keep those affected in such structures.
New research shows that escaping prostitution, human trafficking, or organized abuse is not only a matter of external constraints, but also deeply connected to attachment.
Attachment is a basic human need—it provides security, orientation, and a sense of belonging. But what happens when this need is perverted by violence, manipulation, and fear?
The study by Contreras et al. (2025) identifies a phenomenon that is familiar to many professionals in the field: trauma coercive bonding (TCB).
This is a bond between perpetrator and victim that is enforced through violence, isolation, and manipulation. It arises in a system of fear, apparent affection, and complete control.
Those affected experience paradoxical feelings: fear and longing, hatred and loyalty, disgust and hope – often simultaneously. Perpetrators achieve this by alternating extreme phases of fear with brief moments of affection or “reward.” This intermittent reinforcement keeps those affected emotionally trapped.
The result is a trauma-induced bond that can be so strong that it persists even after physical liberation. Some survivors report feeling guilty about leaving “their” perpetrators – or longing for the person who caused them the most suffering.
Many of the people surveyed in the study exhibited insecure or disorganized attachment patterns—often the result of early violence, neglect, or emotional instability.
These prior experiences make people more susceptible to perpetrator strategies that target precisely these attachment wounds.
However, even those with secure attachment can fall victim to TCB. The manipulative techniques used by perpetrators are so sophisticated that they can break even stable personalities emotionally – especially during periods of crisis, loss, or loneliness.
The term “Stockholm syndrome” is often used to explain victims’ loyalty to perpetrators. But TCB describes the phenomenon more accurately: it is not a free choice, but a bond enforced by fear, control, and trauma.
This is not a psychological weakness—it is a survival mechanism.
Perpetrators, especially those involved in human trafficking, the lover boy system, or organized crime networks , are often highly manipulative psychologically.
They create emotional dependency by deliberately exploiting the victim’s need for closeness, recognition, and love.
With each cycle of violence and “reconciliation,” their control becomes tighter.
The victim increasingly loses their ability to act independently—and eventually also their inner connection to themselves.
This forced bond destroys self-perception. Many survivors report feeling “lost” or “numb.”
Shame, self-hatred, and the conviction of being “complicit” prevent many from seeking help.
But this shame does not belong to the victims—it is part of the perpetrator’s strategy.
Only when we understand how deeply attachment, fear, and control are intertwined can we stop asking “Why does she stay?” and begin to understand why she cannot simply leave.
Preview of Part 2:
The next article will focus on the way out—how secure attachment, trust, and trauma-sensitive support help survivors break free from violent relationships.
Because those who have been bound by violence need attachment in order to become free.
We would like to take this opportunity to express our sincere thanks to Jan Gysi and his excellent newsletter dated September 15, 2025, on current research, to which we owe this overview and summary of the key research findings.
Contreras, P. M., Wilson, N., Joseph, A., Valentine, S., Minahan, J., Reed-Barnes, S., Wightman, H., Dockery, J., Stahl, J., Kallivayalil, D., Kirsch, N., Waterman, B., Wilson, S., Greenberg, R. M., Carter, C., Eid, S., Ayala-Conesa, M. L., Sanchez, A., & Herlihy, L. (2025). The roles of adult attachment and complex trauma in sex trafficking–related coercive bonding: Entry, entrapment, and the challenges of exiting.
Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/tra0001951
Lahav, Y., Cloitre, M., Hyland, P., Shevlin, M., Ben-Ezra, M., & Karatzias, T. (2025). Complex PTSD and identification with the aggressor among survivors of childhood abuse.
Child Abuse and Neglect, 160, Article 107196. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2024.107196
Lohmann, S., Cowlishaw, S., Ney, L., O’Donnell, M., & Felmingham, K. (2024). The trauma and mental health impacts of coercive control: A systematic review and meta-analysis.
Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 25(1), 630-647. https://doi.org/10.1177/15248380231162972
Chambers, R., Gibson, M., Chaffin, S., Takagi, T., Nguyen, N., & Mears-Clark, T. (2024). Trauma-coerced attachment and complex PTSD: Informed care for survivors of human trafficking.
Journal of Human Trafficking, 10(1), 41-50. https://doi.org/10.1080/23322705.2021.2012386
Shaughnessy, E. V., Simons, R. M., Simons, J. S., & Freeman, H. (2023). Risk factors for traumatic bonding and associations with PTSD symptoms: a moderated mediation.
Child Abuse & Neglect, 144, 106390. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2023.106390
